Backwoods Hick Pride....gotta love it...or leave it ;-) nfm

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: : How To Save Your Ass If You Plan To Visit Wisconsin This Summer : : > > - Issued by the Wisconsin Tourism Bureau to ALL visitors - : : > > : : > > 1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Lodge. : : > > It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let : : > > them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in : : > > the kitchen they'll kick your ass. : : > > : : > > 2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sheboygan, : : > > Menominee, Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we will just : : > > have to kick your ass. : : > > : : > > 3) Don't order a bottle or a can of pop here. Here it's : : > > called "soda". Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an : : > > ass kicking. : : > > : : > > 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than : : > > you are. We are also better educated and generally a lot : : > > nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick : : > > your ass. : : > > : : > > 5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living : : > > here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in : : > > judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let : : > > someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If : : > > someone tried to do that, we would kick her ass. : : > > : : > > 6) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass fish and cows. Anything : : > > that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. : : > > And don't laugh at our love and pride of cheese or we'll kick : : > > your ass. : : > > : : > > 7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, : : > > so shut up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of : : > > here or we'll kick your ass. : : > > : : > > 8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. : : > > Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your : : > > steak well done like God intended and have some potatoes with : : > > that, for Heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is : : > > or we'll kick your ass. : : > > : : > > 9) Don't try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don't have an accent. : : > > That will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked. : : > > : : > > 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we : : > > know better. Many of us have visited big-city hellholes like : : > > Detroit, New York, and Chicago, and we have the scars to prove : : > > it. If you don't like it here, Interstates 90, 94, and 43 are : : > > ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets : : > > kicked. : : > > : : > > 11) Don't complain that Wisconsin has too many mosquitoes and : : > > farmland. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick : : > > your ass all the way back to Chicago. : : > > : : > > 12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. : : > > We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old : : > > folks because such things are expected of civilized people. : : > > Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired : : > > grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your ass : : > > just like they did ours. : : > > : : > > 13) So, you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live : : > > on the farm or in the woods? That's because we have enough : : > > sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools : : > > like New York, Detroit, Chicago or L.A. Make fun of our : : > > fresh air and we'll kick your ass. : : > > : : > > 14) Oshkosh B'gosh is NOT a joke. Your ass will be kicked. : : > > : : > > 15) If you are looking for a water fountain, you'll need to go : : > > to a park. Water comes out of bubblers here. Make a joke : : > > about it, and you guessed it, another ass kicking. : : > > : : > > 16) Sausage Races are cool. Make fun of it, and one of the : : > > Sausages will come up from the field of Miller Park and lay : : > > down an 8 foot sausage ass kicking on you. : : > > : : > > 17) The University of Wisconsin is the oldest, best school in : : > > The Big Ten. Any jokes about the quality of UW will result : : > > in Barry Alvarez, Ron Dayne, Dick Bennett, Bo Ryan, Pat : : > > Richter, and any able bodied UW students assisting Bucky : : > > Badger in a demonstration of his class, Ass-Kicking 101. : : > > : : > > 18) If you are from Atlanta, for your own safety, say you are : : > > from somewhere else, lest you get your ass kicked. (Take : : > > three sports franchises from Milwaukee and we have a : : > > tendency to hold a grudge.) : : > > : : > > 19) The Green Bay Packers are NOT a joke. God created the : : > > greatest football dynasty ever and placed it in Green Bay. : : > > Any jokes about the Packers or Vince Lombardi will result : : > > in a SEVERE and UNRELENTING ass kicking. : : ENJOY YOUR STAY... Or you will get an ass kicking!

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